DOOMINATOR

In case of zombie-outbreak. A foam dart gun is always handy to have on standby! :P 

PIRATE

Speculation has it, Painty the Pirate (from the Spongebob intro) and myself are from the same family tree.

"Arrrrrrr ya ready kids!!??"

BARGAIN

An open reply to Ben Daniel.

Why an open reply? For some reason Ben, you decided to block me from Facebook for no reason whatsoever. This happened after you were rebuked (not by me) for making a post suggesting I can ‘go choke to death’. Like the recent post I am replying to, I also have a log of it.

This was now over a year ago. I’m not mad at all. I’m just feeling sorry for why the remark came out.

So let’s have a little breakdown of your latest Facebook diatribe. Please feel important that you have managed to garner some attention, even from an old friend you blanked and blocked out years ago.

“ Ben: Does not and will never go to the wedding of someone I don't know... Aside from weddings being the most mind-numbing/boring/pointless occasions in existence... If I don't know you why would I want to meet a bunch of other people I don't know? #weddingssuck ”

OK. You went out and posted this on the date of mine and George’s 14th wedding anniversary and not long after another old friend of ours had his wedding. I am guessing you saw all the attention it was receiving and the green-eyed monster began to surface. So there must be some coincidence.

This friend by the way has always gone out of his way for you and over the years fought in your corner no matter what. Speaking of old friends… George has been your oldest friend since whenever and has run circles to help you out when she did not have to. In return you treated her badly.

I warned you years ago that people will develop in life and move on, and thus no longer be available to wet-nurse you for the rest of your natural born days. This prediction (or statement of the obvious) is proving to be true. How is learning to be independent going?

I think that attendance at weddings is what you make it. It is a great ensemble of people old and new converging under the same roof. So what if you don’t know one or two individuals? I didn’t know the bride at the recent wedding either, but I was happy for the couple regardless. Like you admittedly, I am not the sharpest person on the planet when it comes to social interaction. There comes a time when it is healthy to break some ice and push the envelope further.

So what according to you really sucks about weddings and marriage?
Is it because you are not married yourself? I’m almost 38 and don’t even have a proper driving license. Does that mean I resent everyone else I know who has a set of wheels? No. I applaud those who can drive; even the people I know more than half my age who have already passed drivers Ed and I show them the same respect.

Ben: Weddings do suck, absolutely. I don't have to attend just because I get an invite. Try working late evenings then see how you feel about it. Not attending a wedding doesn't suddenly mean you don't care about a friend. They don't need anyone to be there for them if they're the one getting married. Yeah they are mind-numbing and boring, hence why I said so. And that certainly isn't attacking 99% of the human race.

I also think it's wrong to suggest that percentage of people would see marriage as being a good thing.

So. How many weddings have you actually attended to make that conclusion that they suck? I know my wedding was one of them. I also saw you for the better part of another wedding for 2 of our mutual friends almost 5 years ago (before you went “Ninja Vanish” and split the scene when nobody was looking). How can a single guest define that weddings are bad when weddings themselves are not a cookie cutter affair? Like the subsequent marriages (especially in the 21st century), weddings can present themselves in all shapes and forms.

By the look of the rant, I get the impression you view friendships in the same way you view marriages as ‘pointless’. You cannot have a relationship in any form with someone on your terms only. I figured the penny would have dropped with you by now. That statement alone can only stem from the lonely and the bitter.

I hope one day I can get back the same guy I travelled to Toronto with on Spring Break, the same guy I played countless wrestling games and beat em ups with, filmed EPW with, and the same guy I used to be able to open up to on a more positive scale.

Don’t hate on your friends for getting married, becoming parents or growing up in life. Be happy for these friends or at least don’t say anything at all.

I’ll leave it there, mate.

Friendships and Marriage can be…. “Terrific Value”.

Best.