AFFLICTION

 

They can be overcome.

Let the suffering end, and the good-vibes begin...

SCRAP

My creative flow has taken a little trip down Crap Creek as of late. I have a huge writers block right now that is slowing me down with uni assignments but I still must drag on.

I don’t know which to finish first… The Documentary Evaluation (2,000 words), The Interactive Evaluation (2,000 words) or the Research Essay (4,000 words!!!!). It’s all got to be done by the middle of next week and I feel stuck in a tar pit.

There goes my friggin’ weekend 

As Hercule Poirot would say “Rest the little grey cells”. I’ve done that over and over and it helps to a degree. Perhaps it is the heat we’ve been having here in blighty lately.

I must battle on. It will take more than a little energon and a lot of luck to get through this torrent of workload oppression. I need to work at the pace of Jessica Fletcher *cue the Murder She Wrote music* to get the assignments done and if that is what it takes I will have to practise. .

BTW - Anyone living in the Bristol area and knows where Paintworks is will be able to see some of my group project work on display from May 16th onwards. It sort of feels like parent visitors day at senior school all over again. :P.

Also, Word up and well done to my pals down at Welsh Wrestling Organisation for a corker of a show yesterday - and sorry I couldn’t make it. I hope Tommy Dean gets another date arranged soon cos Hero wants a piece of the Treharris action 

BLOCK

Progress has been made and the fight to carry on with the missions set before me is now more meaningful.

I’m not out of the woods yet. There are many roadblocks to fight through with weak and tough areas to tackle around. It is the tough areas I am intimidated by.

Giving up is more of an option than losing but it is a worse outcome than losing, therefore losing is less of an option than giving up if giving up is really an option at all.

I will hack, slash, maim, kick, punch and bazooka my way through these tough uni assignments even if it is the last inner battle I fight.

My Foundation assignment is due in Monday.

Full steam ahead and phasers set to kill.

SOLDIER

"Player 1 has re-entered the game"

Poorly…

A mix of a sore throat, burning eyes and tiredness.

I want to sleep all day but I can’t.

Determination says no, carry on!.

Desire says no, You can do this!.

I’m feeling really rough, but I must solider on. I don’t wanna let you guys down.

You know who you are…

The Fight continues.

PUNISHED

The Peacemaker…

The misery of workload and difficult people continues to be a thorn in my side in the form of one problem happening on top of the other.

The demands: one after the other wanting to pull me in eight different directions like I am the Kelloggs Variety Octopus or something.

“Do this Ken!”

“Then that Ken!”

“Your stuff is crap Ken!”

People are getting ticked off at me because I care and worry for them. I do things out of trying to help them and all I get is resentment in return.

“You were out of order Ken!”

“Thanks for caring, but no Thanks!”

I see the doctor about my stress and I get

“Go to that website Ken”

“Go see these people Ken”

“There’s a help group starting in x months time Ken”.

“Go see a Student Counsellor at University then Ken!”

I want a second opinion please!

“I don’t care you are late because the bus driver decided he couldn’t be bothered to drive the bus so he can have an hour long fag break, it’s all YOUR FAULT Ken!”

Patronising people… I really want to smack them. The comments of hurt are still sticking to me like a bad rash. I can’t shake it off and it’s like I am crumbling away inside.

People keep hurting me. I will eventually need to hurt back. It’s wrong I know but carnal desire to destroy in self defence is tugging away like mad.

I visualise the peacemaker gun… Shall I load it with love and continue to fire it at others or change the ammo let rip on those who hurt me and then turn around and do a Tyler Durden on ones self.

It does not rain but it pours.

God is either punishing me… or maybe this is a test. I know I deserve to roast for things I have done. Punishment would explain a lot.

I wish I knew…

I still have a lifeline.

Whatever punishment or test comes my way… Babyface till I die.