PUNISHED

The Peacemaker…

The misery of workload and difficult people continues to be a thorn in my side in the form of one problem happening on top of the other.

The demands: one after the other wanting to pull me in eight different directions like I am the Kelloggs Variety Octopus or something.

“Do this Ken!”

“Then that Ken!”

“Your stuff is crap Ken!”

People are getting ticked off at me because I care and worry for them. I do things out of trying to help them and all I get is resentment in return.

“You were out of order Ken!”

“Thanks for caring, but no Thanks!”

I see the doctor about my stress and I get

“Go to that website Ken”

“Go see these people Ken”

“There’s a help group starting in x months time Ken”.

“Go see a Student Counsellor at University then Ken!”

I want a second opinion please!

“I don’t care you are late because the bus driver decided he couldn’t be bothered to drive the bus so he can have an hour long fag break, it’s all YOUR FAULT Ken!”

Patronising people… I really want to smack them. The comments of hurt are still sticking to me like a bad rash. I can’t shake it off and it’s like I am crumbling away inside.

People keep hurting me. I will eventually need to hurt back. It’s wrong I know but carnal desire to destroy in self defence is tugging away like mad.

I visualise the peacemaker gun… Shall I load it with love and continue to fire it at others or change the ammo let rip on those who hurt me and then turn around and do a Tyler Durden on ones self.

It does not rain but it pours.

God is either punishing me… or maybe this is a test. I know I deserve to roast for things I have done. Punishment would explain a lot.

I wish I knew…

I still have a lifeline.

Whatever punishment or test comes my way… Babyface till I die.